The. Big. 2. 1. I. Can. Cry. If. I. Want. To.

Birthdays always seem to make me a little depressed. Probably because I always put so much stock in them. This birthday is going to be the one that goes perfectly...and then my happy bubble pops because things never work out how I plan.

I'm turning 21 at one of the biggest party schools: on graduation weekend...and I'm not drinking or having a birthday party. I'm turning in early because my mother insisted that she and my father come for a visit. I'm not having a party because I don't have a home to call my own at the moment, my best friend is back home, and most of the people I used to hang around with believed all the crap my former flatmate was spewing about me. But we were never that close anyways, and good riddance to them if they believe fallacies about my character that are fabricated by a lunatic who was harassing me for months and still continues to do so even after she has moved out. I would just rather stay at home then go out and try to meet new people. I'm graduating in a year anyway.

Straight up, life sucks pretty hard right now. I'm trying to be positive, but it's really hard to fake being up- beat. My grades: not so hot. My last semester: worst ever. I had a teacher repeatedly tell me I shouldn't be in my major...Lady, I've got 2 more semesters! A little late in the game... Other teachers love me; she didn't. Sorry I can't devote a million brain hours to Shakespeare when I'm working gobs, I have a crazy who's constantly after me, I can't live in my apartment, and yeah, that paper, totally number one on my list, my panic attacks will have to come in a close second.

To top off my birthday: Steven is leaving Monday, that's tomorrow. And that really really makes me sad. I already cry every time we talk about it. We've never been apart this long and I'm pretty worried about it. I know a lot of people in long distance relationships, and a lot of them have always been long distance. Steve and I have never been, and it scares me. We are completely horrible at talking on the phone. We can talk for hours, but get us on phones and we are church mice! I've been with him almost 24/7 for the past month and I've gotten used to him being around. I'm not going to deal well with him leaving while I'm still staying here. Awkward. Steve's roomies are pretty "special," a bf and gf that I have nothing in common with and who are sooooooooooooo MESSY and have sex like rabbits, seriously right in front of you! FILTHY! Really, I cannot describe it, I'll have to get pictures of the apartment. I hate mess. I like clean. I like organized. I believe in a social decorum that prevents you from dry humping your significant other in front of people. I ignore all parts of the apartment that are not Steven's room. I'm going to be locking myself in this room a lot.

Summer school starts May19th. I'm nervous about that since I'm taking a semester of work in a little over a month...excellent. And my textbook is over $100...even better.

This aging girl wants things to be simple like they were when she was 10.