The Darkness doesn't have any answers.

I have never coped with stress well. This is documented numerous times by my freak outs over tests and my work load. This past year I noticed something really interesting happen. The more I was with Steve the less stressed I felt. The same things were happening but they weren't affecting me as much because there really isn't anything in the world that a kiss and a hug from him can't cure. Today was really rough. I had a bad day, and I felt like a royal idiot (that's what I do whenever I mess up, I'm very tough on myself) and he wasn't here to make it all better. I felt better after talking to him on the phone. He always takes charge and yells at people when they're dumb and that makes me feel better. It still didn't replace having him here. It's finally sinking in how much I miss that boy. I just wish that realization didn't have to come when I'm dealing with all this other stuff. The insurance people are coming to survey my car tomorrow, at the crack of dawn. I really want to get everything taken care of quickly. I don't like to draw things out. I'm hoping that they really don't care about a nickel sized scratch/dent on the lower end of their bumper. But some people are just funny. Really...they should see a lot of my friends cars. College students kind of live under the philosophy of...it runs....sweet. There is a car that's always parked in Steve's neighborhood that keeps their back bumper in the back seat...hanging out the rolled down windows...it runs...it's good. I dunno. I'm trying to keep my head up and above water. I'm always the one for being optimistic with the outcomes of other peoples worries. I need to try it with my own. I'm still trying to figure out how to trust people again. I'm so nice sometimes I get taken advantage of. But who I am is nice, I can't help that. I was watching some One Tree Hill reruns tonight. Somewhere in season four Mouth is talking with Skillz about how he's always the friend.

"My tombstone will probably read "Marvin Mcphadden (butchered that), Friend."
"Yeah, but your funeral is going to be pack from all the people that love you dawg"

Or something like that. But I liked that. Gives me hope that even when bad things happen to good people, goodness wins out. I'm trying to focus on that.

And on another note...what's with everyone in my graduating class getting hitched? One person got married Saturday and another got engaged today. I'm happy for them, really! But seriously? I've found someone I love and I really want to get hitched, tie the knot, jump the broom stick, whatever you want to call it. I'm kind of getting impatient. When I want something I want it to start right away. I need to learn to be patient. But it would be so nice to have someone who can help me when I royally screw something up, and can help me pay for it. ;) Pay rent together! Someone to cook for and clean for (cause I really love those things, not because I've renounced my full hearted belief in feminism). I like to care for people and do things for people I love. Someone to, officially, come home to. It's pretty nice. The concept of settling down really appeals to me. I've moved twice every year for the past four years. When I was younger I had a lot of wanderlust. I loved to travel (still do) and I was so desperate to get out of Gloucester! The summer before college I spent it living out of boxes because I packed for college right after graduation. I went to college, hated it, moved back home, lived out of boxes again, went to London, moved to Blacksburg, moved back home again, moved back to Blacksburg, three months later I moved to a new apartment, spent a month and a half living on my boyfriends floor, and I'm currently living in my boyfriend's room out of tuperware boxes, and in 17 days I'm moving again. I've gotten really good at moving, but I really cannot wait to unpack and really unpack. I want to grow roots and really make something my own. And then I can travel whenever I get the itch to be on the move again. I get wanderlust so bad sometimes, but as I'm growing up I'm craving the peace that constancy provides.

I'm sick of being a nomad.