The. Movie.

I got into Sex And The City very late in life. I watched my first episode my freshmen year of college for a City in Literature course, and I have been hooked ever since! I was a little doubtful about a movie, but I went out and saw it anyway. I was not disappointed. I used to relate so much to Carrie, but I realized today that I have completely become a Charlotte. That might not mean anything to anyone, but to me it means a lot. What I'm about to say contains a spoiler, so skim if you want....but BABY! Charlotte finally gets to experience motherhood. We all know that she adopted at the end of season 6, but in the movie she is pregnant after years of fertility problems. And since I'm in the same boat always wanted kids but possibly not being able to have them... it made me so happy for her! And there is one fabulous scene where she tells off Mr. Big... fabulous, just fabulous. And Charlotte actually gets angry in this movie! You know you're in the wrong when Charlotte York gets mad at you. Laughs. And her apartment... oh my, I envy it.

Anyways, great movie! Fabulous fashion! Really great wrap up to things. I want to see it again!

Movin' on Up!

These are the floor plans to my new apartment! I know it's a tiny picture...but if anyone could help me with some furniture plan ideas I would greatly appreciate it! I mostly need ideas for the bedroom. I need to fit a small desk, it's about 3X2 and a full size bed that is larger then life. It's a double sided pillow top and it is so tall! To top that off I was even going to raise it for storage... I was thinking the desk could go on the wall on the other side of the door away from the closet. Any ideas about the bed? I haven't had anything centered under a window in a long time. If I can manage the space maybe I'll start there. I have so little furniture that I could completely re-do my layout in 30 minutes. Easy.

I'm super excited!

What do you think of my new digs?

I. Send. Him. Poems.

What is an English degree good for, but to send your BF sappy poems?

I was looking at some poetry tonight and I re-found one of my favorite love poems by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. She is pretty much the macdaddy of love poetry. She coined the term "how do I love thee, let me count the ways." Yeah, she wrote that. Her husband's poetry is beyond amazing, but pretty twisted. I happen to like twisted writers. I shall give you some examples, have no fear! The Brownings were both obsessed with the color purple. Why? Purple is the mix of the primary colors red and blue. Red is a symbol of the heart and blue is a symbol of the head. Thus, purple is the perfect mixture of head and heart. It's really a beautiful image and since my Brit Lit class I've been a wee bit obsessed with it myself. I would wear a amethyst ring, and only I would get it.

Loads of beautiful imagery in Elizabeth's sonnet 38:

First time he kissed me, he but only kissed
The fingers of this hand wherewith I write;
And ever since, it grew more clean and white,
Slow to world-greetings, quick with its 'Oh, list,'
When the angels speak. A ring of amethyst
I could not wear here, plainer to my sight,
Than that first kiss. The second passed in height
The first, and sought the forehead, and half missed,
Half falling on the hair. O beyond meed!
That was the chrism of love, which love's own crown,
With sanctifying sweetness, did precede.
The third upon my lips was folded down
In perfect, purple state; since when, indeed,
I have been proud and said, 'My love, my own.'

Found the purple? And notice his pattern of kissing: bottom, top, middle.

And now Robert Browning. Twisted, but when you dig deep you find...it might not be that crazy. I've taken whole classes on this poem and I've spent a lot of time breaking it down. People with porphyria pee purple and this poem is called Porphyria's lover. King George III was thought to have had this disease. Browning compares love to this maddening disorder. You may wonder what amount of "head" or thinking things through is involved with his actions but see how he justifies things to himself...

The rain set early in tonight,
The sullen wind was soon awake,
It tore the elm'right-tops down for spite,
and did its worst to vex the lake:
I listened with heart fit to break.
When glided in Porphyria; straight
She shut the cold out and the storm,
And kneeled and made the cheerless grate
Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;
Which done, she rose, and from her form
Withdrew the dripping cloak and shawl,
And laid her soiled gloves by, untied
Her hat and let the damp hair fall,
And, last, she sat down by my side
And called me. When no voice replied,
She put my arm about her waist,
And made her smooth white shoulder bare,
And all her yellow hair displaced,
And, stooping, made my cheek lie there,
And spread, o'er all, her yellow hair,
Murmuring how she loved me--she
Too weak, for all her heart's endeavor,
To set its struggling passion free
From pride, and vainer ties dissever,
And give herself to me forever.
But passion sometimes would prevail,
Nor could tonight's gay feast restrain
A sudden thought of one so pale
For love of her, and all in vain:
So, she was come through wind and rain.
Be sure I looked up at her eyes
Happy and proud; at last I knew
Porphyria worshiped me: surprise
Made my heart swell, and still it grew
While I debated what to do.
That moment she was mine, mine, fair,
Perfectly pure and good: I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
In one long yellow string I wound
Three times her little throat around,
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
I am quite sure she felt no pain.
As a shut bud that holds a bee,
I warily oped her lids: again
Laughed the blue eyes without a stain.
And I untightened next the tress
About her neck; her cheek once more
Blushed bright beneath my burning kiss:
I propped her head up as before
Only, this time my shoulder bore
Her head, which droops upon it still:
The smiling rosy little head,
So glad it has its utmost will,
That all it scorned at once is fled,
And I, its love, am gained instead!
Porphyria's love: she guessed not how
Her darling one wish would be heard.
And thus we sit together now,
And all night long we have not stirred,
And yet god has not said a word!

Don't worry, the first time I thought it was crazy, I may have even hated it. A lot needs explaining, but it really is beautiful.

Even though I hate my major now... maybe I am still an English dork, deep, deep, down.

I. Hate. When. I'm. Right.

Before Steven left I knew that keeping in touch was going to be difficult. I've said it before that we are HORRIBLE on the phone. Horrible is probably putting it lightly... very lightly. Steven is a very factual, logical person. He only uses the phone to relay information. I on the other hand could sit on the phone perfectly silent or just stay on the phone as I'm shopping. Steven hates to phone shop because I "oh" and "ah" about everything and I'm pretty sure I don't make much sense. I also always ask for his opinion about things he cannot even see. When I phone shop I'm confusing him with Sony. Oops.

He has been gone for 14 days. During those 14 days I have been the one calling even though he promised to call me every day. For 3 days I did not even talk to him. All the times we have been on the phone we've kind of just sat there, or he has been super tired from work, or I don't have anything to talk about because my life is a bore at present. I'm getting frustrated. He got a webcam so that we could do video chats. We haven't used it. He is never on-line.

Basically I just miss my boyfriend. I miss us. I miss how we work. I miss us both being indecisive and it taking 20 minutes to pick a place to eat. Oh sweet heaven do I miss his smell! And his laugh, and his smile, and how much he makes me laugh...and I miss his stupid friends calling at the most intimate moments. I miss those intimate moments. I would even go so far as to say I miss his snoring: at least his breathing. It's too quiet to sleep now. I miss tackling him when he was trying to get work done. I miss late night grocery shopping. Late night cereal time. Him taking care of me when I'm sick or bringing me things at work when I forgot them. I miss appliance shopping. I miss planning our future together. I miss our late night conversations. Oh I miss the kisses. I miss waking him up every morning with those kisses. I miss his don't wake me up noise. I miss movies with him. I miss making him breakfast. I miss doing his laundry. I miss his answers. I miss his teasing. I really just miss him. Everything is so boring without him.

So much of what we are is unsaid. Or maybe we have so much to say that we can't say it on the phone. But I still need that communication just to know that he's thinking about me. Cause I think about him a lot, obviously.

And the little Indian baby that lives across the hall totally cries like the baby in the Jungle Book. And that has nothing to do with him being Indian, I promise. His whole family is super cute the way they dote on him. (Random tangent...)

Oh. Happy. Day.

I just noticed that I'm scheduled to work tomorrow. And since tomorrow is Memorial Day... I get paid time and a half! I could certainly use that. I really love my job. Especially when I do it well. We were really busy yesterday and I did over 1500 in sales and an Instant Credit, just me. When I left we had made 5000, it was a good day. Granted I don't get anything for doing well. I don't work on commission and I like that because I'm not cut-throat...at all.

Happy Memorial Day everybody!

Dropping. Like. Flies.

Pay no attention to this new, sick, little hobby, but since so many people I know have just gotten engaged, I feel the need to record it. I want to see how long this list gets by the end of the summer. Am I turning into a wedding bookie? Bets?

M.D. Married May 17th
K.G. Engaged May 19th
L.H. Engaged May 25th
L's Sister Engaged in June
J.B. Engaged June 29th

Um... this is a very shocking trend...

And you know I'm completely jealous!

But also extremely happy for everyone!

Genius!

It's advertising... with toast. Watch this video and be amazed. Granted the video is about spam...which I do not endorse, but the toast is pretty awesome!

White. Dove. In. The. Sand.

The title is from Blowin' in the Wind by Bob Dylan, and it also happens to be my email name. I got rambling about the beach in a comment I made on a friends blog (see the link, Supposed Newlywed Bliss, great blog, check it out!). And it got me thinking about how much I miss the beach. This year will be the first summer that I have spent away from the shoreline...and it has just hit me how I'm going to miss it. Going from beach time on any days off to no beach time... This is very sad since I've spent many a great day on the beach musing philosophy with friends, reading, swimming, getting over body insecurities, running around, and generally being goofy. This is also going to be the first summer I won't be seeing fireworks on the beach... but I think that I'm ok with that. Every year Sony and I go and we always say we aren't going to go next year. Traffic is always so horrible, and the fireworks never last long enough to wait 2 hours in a line of cars. But the waiting can be fun and interesting. Last year I remember blasting my John Lennon album on the radio. Summer nights and John Lennon...really, does life get any better? Last 4th of July I went on a trip to see Steven on the only time that I had off. That was interesting... we were still figuring each other out then.

But it seems Sony and I might make a trip up to Summerville lake in West Virginia. It's really the most beautiful place I've ever seen! My family likes to go there a lot. We've rented cabins up there before. They offer dive adventures to the bottom, so I might have to go make bubbles and, you know, actually use my scuba certification. Always adventures to be had! So who's up for camping and swimming and kayaking?

On. The. Sunny. Side.

I've started the nesting process.... for my kitten. Thank goodness for layaway. I put all the cat necessities on layaway at k-mart. Except litter because apparently that's considered perishable... Whatever. I'll pick that up later. I really love layaway, I'm kind of addicted to it since I can pay things off gradually. This whole cat adoption thing has gotten me feeling like I'm adopting a kid. I'm looking for vet offices, I'm asking about the kitten's diet so that I'll know what food to start it on. I don't want to upset its tummy. I'm wondering...is it going to like me, laughs. And I'm preparing my house and friends for the new member of my family. I'm so excited. I love to nurture things, anything. Steven is too much of an adult sometimes, laughs, and he informs me that he is a big boy and can take care of himself. I'm really excited to have a little fluffball to cuddle with. Things have been pretty low for me lately, I'm trying really hard to stay positive. Really, really, really trying. I just hope that this cat is as awesome as it can be...and as awesome as my Mr. Kitty, but I fear that he will always be number 1 in my book.

My Mother gets results.

So no one told me that the $500 deductible is only for our car...the insurance pays for the repairs to the other people... That would have been good information to know. I've been stressing out and extremely upset for nothing...

But the "lovely" lady who I hit is now claiming that she was injured...right...when she was talking and laughing with me as we waited for the cops... My insurance company offered her $500 not to sue. Greedy.

I really hate people sometimes. I really, really do. Words cannot express how sometimes I think most people are really the scum of the freaking planet. If we're supposedly evolved beings who are so full of higher thought and intellectual levels that put us above the animals how come we can't learn to be nice? How come we value green pieces of paper so much? How come we don't take care of our own? To me, that means the whole human race, cause we're all in this together. And just cause you were born into a good place doesn't mean that you don't have to share what you have with others. Maybe the point your well off is to help others until they can help themselves. And one day if I'm ever so fortunate as to be financially stable that's exactly what I'm going to try to do.

But whatever, I'm sending the bitch a Christmas card.

Cause I'm a nice person.

Some Beatles lyrics for your inspiration:

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

$493 and some change

To replaced a damn bumper... really?

How about I take her out to get her nails done?

Put her kids through college?

Ugh.

And they NEVER contacted us about the estimate to approve it. We're totally going to be switching insurance companies. We have had nothing but issues with them and the people on the phone are always so rude. I hate rude people with a passion.

Never get internet from Comcast. I called them as soon as I moved to ask them if my internet could be transfered and if my promotion would transfer too. They said it would but that they couldn't set up the transfer until 2 weeks before. Well it's exactly 2 weeks before I move so I called them up. And suddenly my promotion isn't going to transfer...and they want to charge me $59.99 a month for internet plus a $20 transfer fee (I'm moving 2 blocks). And I'm like...see you later I'm going to verizon where it's 34.99, the modem is free, and it's only a 19.99 dollar activation fee and that's it. And that price of $34.99 might go down since mom and dad have a verizon phone line....and apparently you can't get incentives unless you have a phone-line with verizon... the 19.99 incentive would be nice with the first month free... My mom's on that one. She's also on the insurance people.

One thing I have learned in my life, it's never a good idea to cross my mother, especially when it's about me. She gets mad and she gets results. And it's really one of the things I respect most about her.

So...hand me the classified section. Amanda's looking for a second job...

Seriously?

What is wrong with this boy?

I picked up One Tree Hill hardcore this season. I had only seen an episode here and there before season 5. I watched every one this season. And I want to know...why the last episode they just leave us hanging about who Lucas calls to run away to Vegas with!

Seriously?

I can't wait for next season. Someone get me Chad Michael Murray's cell number so I can seduce him then ask him myself, laughs.

Just kidding.

But if it isn't Peyton I think I'm giving up the habit...as much as I love Brooke and all... And if it is Lindsay...I'm definitely done with OTH.

I know, useless drama, but it's a good escape for 40 minutes.

Namaste

Believe it or not I used to be a yoga fiend. I attended classes 2-3 times a week for 1 1/2 hour sessions. For a while yoga was the complete love of my life, I lived it, breathed it, loved it, embraced it. I came to yoga after a really horrible personal experience concerning my spirituality that was very damaging to me emotionally and physically. The core of yoga is balance: emotional, physical, and spiritual balance however that works for you. I will never forget my first night on the mat. I went with my "sister" Sonia, who currently lives in London. She had gone through the same horrible experience with me. It was at the Riverside Wellness and Fitness Center in Gloucester and it was taught by Nancy, who till this day is still the greatest yoga teacher I have ever had. And poor Sonia and I, we were horrible, we couldn't get any of the poses, our forms were terrible .if not dangerous. It was a flaming disaster! But when we were in the last asana which is corpse pose (basically just laying down on your back) we were both crying like idiots. Our bodies were exhausted and that being contrasted with the pure peace of the atmosphere we finally broke and allowed ourselves to feel. It was the beginning of a healing process for me, my emotional healing. The crying lasted for a few sessions, corpse pose, every time, right at the end. After my first night of yoga I couldn't move for a week, I had pushed myself to hard. But I stuck with it. And it was amazing. I counted down the days until I could sweat so much my mat became a slip and slide. I stretched myself, quite literally and I became insanely flexible. And it was great. The best thing about Nancy was how she balanced the exercise of yoga with the human aspects of how you're doing with your life. She was so great to talk to and she never pushed her agendas on you. She wasn't trying to make us all hindus or buddhists she wanted you to make yoga your own: Christian, Muslim, Athiest, what have you. She really embraced a principle of yoga that I love, that we are all united. When I went to college I fell away from yoga. I tried some other places and other teachers but it really wasn't the same. I tried solo but I'm less then motivated to exercise when I'm stressed out and working on school stuff.

For the heck of it I tried some yoga today after putting in a load of laundry. Oh my. I know yoga is about doing what you are capable of and listening to what your body is telling you...but um...I was so tight! I've never been so...just... wow. I've decided that I really need to hit the mat again. Hard. I couldn't touch my toes people! I used to be able to bend over and stand on my hands... As interesting as it was, there were some good things: my balance is better which means that I've become more focused, and the last time I did yoga was 50 pounds ago. I'm not dealing with the same body. Once I get my flexibility back I'll be able to get into poses I couldn't do years ago because of my gut. I don't wiggle in places I used to. That excites me! I'm also stronger, believe it or not. So I'm really going to try to do a little bit every day and work up. I might never be at class level again, which is really ok with me. It would be nice, but I'm not looking for that anymore. I'm trying to find peace with myself, my situation, and get my flexibility back for myself...and well my relationship, laughs.

The Darkness doesn't have any answers.

I have never coped with stress well. This is documented numerous times by my freak outs over tests and my work load. This past year I noticed something really interesting happen. The more I was with Steve the less stressed I felt. The same things were happening but they weren't affecting me as much because there really isn't anything in the world that a kiss and a hug from him can't cure. Today was really rough. I had a bad day, and I felt like a royal idiot (that's what I do whenever I mess up, I'm very tough on myself) and he wasn't here to make it all better. I felt better after talking to him on the phone. He always takes charge and yells at people when they're dumb and that makes me feel better. It still didn't replace having him here. It's finally sinking in how much I miss that boy. I just wish that realization didn't have to come when I'm dealing with all this other stuff. The insurance people are coming to survey my car tomorrow, at the crack of dawn. I really want to get everything taken care of quickly. I don't like to draw things out. I'm hoping that they really don't care about a nickel sized scratch/dent on the lower end of their bumper. But some people are just funny. Really...they should see a lot of my friends cars. College students kind of live under the philosophy of...it runs....sweet. There is a car that's always parked in Steve's neighborhood that keeps their back bumper in the back seat...hanging out the rolled down windows...it runs...it's good. I dunno. I'm trying to keep my head up and above water. I'm always the one for being optimistic with the outcomes of other peoples worries. I need to try it with my own. I'm still trying to figure out how to trust people again. I'm so nice sometimes I get taken advantage of. But who I am is nice, I can't help that. I was watching some One Tree Hill reruns tonight. Somewhere in season four Mouth is talking with Skillz about how he's always the friend.

"My tombstone will probably read "Marvin Mcphadden (butchered that), Friend."
"Yeah, but your funeral is going to be pack from all the people that love you dawg"

Or something like that. But I liked that. Gives me hope that even when bad things happen to good people, goodness wins out. I'm trying to focus on that.

And on another note...what's with everyone in my graduating class getting hitched? One person got married Saturday and another got engaged today. I'm happy for them, really! But seriously? I've found someone I love and I really want to get hitched, tie the knot, jump the broom stick, whatever you want to call it. I'm kind of getting impatient. When I want something I want it to start right away. I need to learn to be patient. But it would be so nice to have someone who can help me when I royally screw something up, and can help me pay for it. ;) Pay rent together! Someone to cook for and clean for (cause I really love those things, not because I've renounced my full hearted belief in feminism). I like to care for people and do things for people I love. Someone to, officially, come home to. It's pretty nice. The concept of settling down really appeals to me. I've moved twice every year for the past four years. When I was younger I had a lot of wanderlust. I loved to travel (still do) and I was so desperate to get out of Gloucester! The summer before college I spent it living out of boxes because I packed for college right after graduation. I went to college, hated it, moved back home, lived out of boxes again, went to London, moved to Blacksburg, moved back home again, moved back to Blacksburg, three months later I moved to a new apartment, spent a month and a half living on my boyfriends floor, and I'm currently living in my boyfriend's room out of tuperware boxes, and in 17 days I'm moving again. I've gotten really good at moving, but I really cannot wait to unpack and really unpack. I want to grow roots and really make something my own. And then I can travel whenever I get the itch to be on the move again. I get wanderlust so bad sometimes, but as I'm growing up I'm craving the peace that constancy provides.

I'm sick of being a nomad.

I drown my sorrows in baking and blogging.

Well...I have to press on as usual, right? I'm going to be fine. It's just money, or so I am trying to tell myself. I can always make more of it. :/

I decided to make some pretzel/kisses/ M&M things for Steven and his family. I LOVE to cook for other people but I hate the practice in general. I guess I'm more about putting my love into a project that others will enjoy. These are super easy, but I wish they actually had a name, maybe they do, or maybe I should make one up. I think that I'll call they Polka-Dots. Since I love polka dots so much and they kind of do look like them...in a weird sort of way...if you squint just right. Someone made them at Sony's art gallery opening... but they dimmed in comparison to the vegan goodness that Sony herself made. She is my hero of the kitchen. I call her for every and all baking emergencies. And she is very patient since I'm just now learning to make more then an omelette. But I'm fierce with some eggs let me tell you. ;)

Anyways, super easy and super delicious:

Ingredients:
Pretzels, really any kind. I got the square shaped ones because I didn't want the chocolate to get everywhere.
Hershey's Kisses (A bag of kisses makes about two large cookie sheets worth)
M&M's

Preheat oven to 170 degrees F.

Lay pretzels on a baking sheet.

Place Kisses on pretzels. One kiss per pretzel.

Put in the oven for 5 minutes.

Place an M&M on top of the gooey kiss and press down.

Let cool or put in the refrigerator.

All done!

I want to know why the universe hates me so much!

So I'm on my way to run errands and get sweet things to do for my sweetie. I'm parked at a red light. And I'm looking around. In my peripheral the cars start moving so naturally I put my foot on the gas a little. But apparently too much since I'm on a hill. I bump the person in front of me. And now I'm going to be paying to have her bumper replaced because of the nickel sized scratch the screw on my license plate caused. I mean seriously. I can't afford this. Luckily I didn't get any tickets. Score there. No damage to my car. Seriously. I'm so FUCKED! My insurance has a $500 deductible...seriously what is the point of insurance when you pay so you don't have to pay? Am I just waiting for the time when I get in a wreck that will cost me 50,000? And I'll still have that $500 deductible. I think moving of campus was the worst decision I ever made. Everything has started going wrong since then. Crazy roomie, worst semester for my grades, working too much because I need a job to support myself, and that effects my grades because I have no time to focus on school work. So it's like...why am I in school again? I want to know what kind of voodoo my wiccan ex roomie is doing to me on a full moon. Seriously?

What's. On. The. To-Do. List. Today.

1. Eat Breakfast. When I'm left alone I have a horrible tendency not to eat. Not because I'm trying to, I just forget. And food always upsets my stomach so I normally feel better when I'm not eating. It's an odd thing.

2. Go to the grocery store. Get snacks for work, and supplies to make pretzel, kisses, M&M snacks to send to Steven and anyone else kind enough to give me their address ;) (recipe and cooking experience will follow).

3. Go to the Dollar Tree to find little fun things to send to my love to wish him luck as he starts an internship that might turn into a full-time position after he graduates.

4. Write up new address and take it to my old management company so that I can get my security deposit back.

5. Do Laundry.

6. School work, if I feel like it.

Ok...numero uno. I'm going to start with some oatmeal.

I. Need. Ideas.

Steven starts his internship tomorrow at a company called Sparta. I can't wait for the 300 jokes to start. So I was thinking of sending him a care package of stuff. Maybe a box full of things to make his desk/cubicle fun. Any ideas?

He left his sudoku book so I can send him those. He left a thank you card I wanted him to take to his mother...so naturally that has to go into the box.

I love the dollar tree for random stuff, but that never gets used. I was thinking cookies could be good. On that note I need to find a signature cookie that I always bake. But back to Steven... any ideas of fun projects to do and send?

One thing I think that I'll put in there is a box of mac and cheese, cause he's the cheese to my macaroni, major inside joke with us. I'm the certified cheeseball of our relationship. I love corny romantic things! Before we graduate I'm hoping to get our initials carved in a tree at the duck pond. That way whenever we come back to Tech we can check on it, and show our kids and such.

See, cheeseball.

When. I. Wake. Up. In. A. Cold. Sweat.

I wonder why wood paneling was ever popular.

I. Miss. A . Boy. Named. Steve.

And I have a giant pickle from Jimmy Johns!

I was so hungry at work that I ordered a massive, really late, lunch at 3 pm. I got a Vegetarian sandwich on wheat (#6), salt and vinegar chips (not the greatest for me but I really wanted them), and a pickle! I don't get a chance to eat when I open, thus: my binge. I need to start taking snacks to work.

Amusing.

My BFF cracks me up. We were musing about weddings, as we are often known to do, and we got talking about wedding organizational planners when she says to me:

"we can get them and hide them under our beds like porn!"

Sad times when you have to hide your extreme desire to tie the knot. Well, it isn't really a secret, just freaks out the beaus.

We hold the opinion that they should get over it.

Words. Cannot. Describe.

The pure joy I obtain from LOL Cats.

Terrific. Table.

This is the table I've been putting a little bit towards every two weeks! I absolutely love it! I wish the wood was a little bit darker, BUT it is a counter-height table and it comes with four chairs. And I got it on sale. It was originally $249, and I got it for $199. Not too shabby for a whole set since a counter-height table, just the table, at Pier 1 is $ 199. As much as I live and breathe for Pier 1 ( I love, love, love, my job, I got a $0.12 raise by the bye) I just cannot afford it at this time in my life. I'm really happy with this table though. A counter-height was necessary since Steven is so tall. I sit at this table and my legs dangle, he sits at it and his feet rest on the floor. How mean would I be to make our first table, in our first home together (when we finally do get to live together, for real), make him look like he's sitting at the kid's table. And I figure when we do get real adult furniture we can get a table for the dining room and use this as a breakfast table.

A. Proud. Moment.

Ever since I decided I was moving out on my own, knowing that I would be responsible for half my rent and utilities, I have been saving my money like it's going out of fashion. My rent is going to be $475 a month and my parents will pay $350. All my money has been going to apartment stuff like a table, that was affordable and I'm absolutely in love with, at kmart ( I <3 layaway). Next will be a microwave and curtains. I'm proud to finally learn how to budget and save. I'm also very proud to say that I have 3 months worth of my rent in savings!

Kitty. Updates.

The cat lady sent me an update:

So, from what I can tell anyway, it looks like there are at least 3 boys (I think there may be 4, but on one I cant quite tell yet) and one girl for sure.



There are two kittens that are almost completely gray. Both Boys. One of them has a few marking on his belly (like a tabby). The other is mostly a darker gray with only a couple areas of lighter color.



Two other kittens are gray with a light tabby marking. You can see this mainly on their face and belly, and further down on their sides and on their tail also. One of these is a girl, and the other as far as I can tell a boy. They are almost identical, it's hard for me to tell them apart!



Last but not least, is the kitten that I have my eye on but haven't made up my mind yet. He is a black and gray tabby with OBVIOUS tabby markings.



They are beginning to open their eyes now, but I still can't tell what color they will be. Most of them are one eye open - one eye closed lol.



They're getting those big baby kitty bellies on them and they're so cute! I guess this is the point where you should tell me if you want a specific kitten. I will probably end up keeping the black and gray tabby in the end, so we'll leave him out for now.



I'll try to get up some pics later on today of each specific kitten.

The End.

I am so super duper excited. I've asked for the girl, but I've also stated that I would be just as happy with a boy. I'm thinking if it's a boy the name Odysseus might be better then all the names Steven and I have come up with (Tumnus, Optimus, Sheldon). My girl name is set in stone (Sophie Bennet: I'm like two seconds away from ordering a name tag online). Steven's cat is named Penelope...and you know she's married to Odysseus in the Odyssey...

You know how we do.

His and hers towels... his and hers matching laundry baskets... his and hers cats...

The. Body. Is. Amazing.

Sometimes I get to thinking about how cool the human body is and how well it works most of the time. I've been feeling really bad today. Sore throat...that has white dots on it...eew...and if I could have found the thermometer it most likely would have told me I had a fever. So after work I headed over to Target to get some Nyquil; I had to help my body out a little. But on the way out I was looking at the food they keep at the counter. So I quickly swiped some up without thinking. On my drive home I realized that the cashews I got were a source of protein and the fruit snacks I got were full of Vitamin C. Throw in the carb filled mac and cheese I got for dinner and you've got a little cocktail of immune booster. Little things that make me think, was I just a fool for product placement or were my cravings based on what my body needed. Maybe a little bit of both. But since I could have chosen a chocolate bar I'd like to think my body was thinking a little. And hopefully after a lot of sleep tonight I'll be right as rain.

Filling my hours with projects and cleaning.

So when I'm not working, I'm at my old apartment packing and doing craft projects. Today I painted two pieces of furniture. A desk hutch my dad made me, which I put baskets in and used for a dresser and will be using as my tv stand in my new place. Don't be afraid, it's really going to look nice, sleek, and modern. I also painted a bookcase the same grayish brownish black called Fired Earth. I love it! I don't like open woods, I like the contrast of light and dark so all my furniture is pretty dark. Just an excuse to need a big house one day...but...but...all the darkness makes the room look small... I need to apply a second coat to both tomorrow. My mom is going to be painting my end tables the same color and bringing them to me. It's really great to be able to work on house projects.

The apartment is a complete wreck. The living room is all boxes and you cannot see the floor in my room. The apartment is getting shown tomorrow so I'm going to have to try to straighten it tomorrow. I also need to get a new battery for the smoke detector. I went to test it today...and oops, didn't work. Good thing we never had a fire. :/ Lots to do. If I finish painting I think that I'll start on my wall decor project. I'm super excited about it. Even more exciting... I got to bring out my Christmas tree, just in the box, but it made me really excited for Christmas!

Can I have Christmas in July?

In my new apartment I can do anything I want. eee!

One of these is my future companion!

The lady whose cat had kittens sent me pictures of the little dears. They will be ready to leave their momma a week or two after I move into my new apartment. Perfect timing. As I've always believed the cat picks you, the timing is too good to be true. One of those precious balls of fluff is going to pick me, I know it!

I'm so happy to be getting a pet. I know that it will be an added expense. And the pet deposit is going to kill me to part with... but I really miss feline contact. I miss cuddles. I miss play time. And it will be so worth it. I've been reading a lot of articles about doctors suggesting pet "ownership" as a means of better health. I believe it. I do have issues with being a pet "owner" I'd prefer caretaker, or companion, or family member. That's putting it nicely since all the cats I've been in contact with normally end up owning me.

So...which one jumps out at you?

I kind of like the one that's like...yo moms, a little food please. Or the one in the corner like...I'm so fluffy curling up and being independent and sleepy.

And am I the only one noticing a resemblance to my Mr. Kitty?

The. Big. 2. 1. I. Can. Cry. If. I. Want. To.

Birthdays always seem to make me a little depressed. Probably because I always put so much stock in them. This birthday is going to be the one that goes perfectly...and then my happy bubble pops because things never work out how I plan.

I'm turning 21 at one of the biggest party schools: on graduation weekend...and I'm not drinking or having a birthday party. I'm turning in early because my mother insisted that she and my father come for a visit. I'm not having a party because I don't have a home to call my own at the moment, my best friend is back home, and most of the people I used to hang around with believed all the crap my former flatmate was spewing about me. But we were never that close anyways, and good riddance to them if they believe fallacies about my character that are fabricated by a lunatic who was harassing me for months and still continues to do so even after she has moved out. I would just rather stay at home then go out and try to meet new people. I'm graduating in a year anyway.

Straight up, life sucks pretty hard right now. I'm trying to be positive, but it's really hard to fake being up- beat. My grades: not so hot. My last semester: worst ever. I had a teacher repeatedly tell me I shouldn't be in my major...Lady, I've got 2 more semesters! A little late in the game... Other teachers love me; she didn't. Sorry I can't devote a million brain hours to Shakespeare when I'm working gobs, I have a crazy who's constantly after me, I can't live in my apartment, and yeah, that paper, totally number one on my list, my panic attacks will have to come in a close second.

To top off my birthday: Steven is leaving Monday, that's tomorrow. And that really really makes me sad. I already cry every time we talk about it. We've never been apart this long and I'm pretty worried about it. I know a lot of people in long distance relationships, and a lot of them have always been long distance. Steve and I have never been, and it scares me. We are completely horrible at talking on the phone. We can talk for hours, but get us on phones and we are church mice! I've been with him almost 24/7 for the past month and I've gotten used to him being around. I'm not going to deal well with him leaving while I'm still staying here. Awkward. Steve's roomies are pretty "special," a bf and gf that I have nothing in common with and who are sooooooooooooo MESSY and have sex like rabbits, seriously right in front of you! FILTHY! Really, I cannot describe it, I'll have to get pictures of the apartment. I hate mess. I like clean. I like organized. I believe in a social decorum that prevents you from dry humping your significant other in front of people. I ignore all parts of the apartment that are not Steven's room. I'm going to be locking myself in this room a lot.

Summer school starts May19th. I'm nervous about that since I'm taking a semester of work in a little over a month...excellent. And my textbook is over $100...even better.

This aging girl wants things to be simple like they were when she was 10.

Behold. The. Power.

Of Birkenstocks!

I've always wanted some, ever since I was a pre-teen and dreamed of living in the 60's. Now I'm in my early 20's and still dreaming of living in the 60's, but I know more Lennon and Dylan tunes now.

For months Steven has been keeping this big birthday surprise. Apparently, ever since he got a pair of stocks in March when we were in Colonial Williamsburg.

He has been giving me the vaguest hints every day this week. So there was no way I was going to guess Birki's. I was hoping for a rock to be quite honest. Since he's so secretive about shoes, I have a feeling that I'm not going to see a proposal coming. That's how he wants it, and I hate surprises.

Either way he always ends up fulfilling a dream of mine, even if it has to do with footwear.

That's why he's so perfect for me.

The Kitties are here!

I feel slightly like Cruella Deville with this whole thing...but I found a listing for a cat that was expecting kittens! Be advised: I'm not planning on making any sort of apparel with these cats, I simply want to care for and love one of them.

I wrote the lady an e-mail, and got on the list to adopt a kitten when they arrived and were weaned. Well, the kittens arrived around 7am on May the 8th! All of them variations of gray, except one that is gray and black.

I'm gonna be a mom...to a cat!

My family keeps growing this year, and I love it.

I'm hoping for a girl so that I can call her Sophie Bennet. How cute is that?

Want. To. Know. My. Heart's. Desires?

I'm an open book.


I haven't decided yet if I'm a Tragedy or a Comedy.

Lookin. Up. !.

Crazy roommate: Moving out tomorrow!

And... is turning off the utilities, so I will be subleasing my beau's room while he is away doing an internship.

I'm so freaking happy.

I can start the packing process.

How gorgeous.

I've. Always. Thought. The. Coppertone. Girl. Was. The. Cutest. EVER.

I got new sunblock a few weeks ago. Coppertone, oil free, 45 spf. For everyday wear. I have Neutrogena 75 SPF when I need my sunblock to take a lot of wear and tear. I'm actually very pleased with the Coppertone. It was a little bit expensive, but I think all sunblock is expensive. I've often thought the government should sponsor a sunblock program that hands out free sunblock at the beach in an effort to stop skin cancer: but that's just me.

The Coppertone is actually oil-free, which is very important to me because I wear sunblock when I'm active so I don't like to slip around and I hate the feeling of sunblock on my face! I can't even tell that I have on sunblock and I put it on my face, chest, arms, and ears. It is also fragrance free...it does smell a little like sunblock but it is very faint, so no one is going to know that I have it on. I like that. I used to have a sunblock by Ocean Potion that smelled like dreamsicle. So yummy, but people always asked me what I had on...and I had to be like...sunblock....

"We're in the mall!"
"So..."

It also claims not to clog pores. We will see. I have sensitive skin so even if it says it won't clog my pores it might just do it anyway. Over all, I like it, I just wish it came in a higher SPF, anything under 50 is taking my skin into my hands.

Once. Burned. Twice. Shy.

I've been having a lot of nightmares lately about getting horrible sunburns. I guess it's time to start putting on the sunblock every time I go outside. It's sad that is what I have to do or I'll burn up in a few minutes. I burn in the car, I burn on cloudy days, I burn with SPF 50 on applied every time I get out of the water and every hour I'm out. Someone explain to me why genetics cursed me with pale?

Dear Merciful guardians of DNA.
Please give my future children Steven's ability to tan. Handed down from his fabulous Mexican grandmother as well as my parents who tan, (not sure how that skipped me,somehow I was cursed with the inability to go out in the summer without burning in 10-20 minutes). And while you're at that don't forget his eyelashes, height, cheeks, and hair color.

Love,

Me

You know you have an Austen problem when:

You forget to pick up your dry cleaning, but you can recite Captain Wentworth’s letter to Anne Eliot by heart.

Your friends carry pictures of their children or significant others in their wallets. You carry on your cellphone a screen shot of Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy (or Matthew MacFadyen, depending on your personal taste).

Your house is on fire. You leave family photos and computer behind and grab your Jane Austen action figure, Mrs. Darcy t-shirt, and map of Georgian Bath.

While your friends fantasized about being at the final game of the 2006 World Series, you were wishing you could be in Tucson at the Jane Austen Society’s annual general meeting.

You’re behind in your work, homework, housework, (fill in the blank with your own scenario) because you spend half your day on Austen forums arguing about whether Fanny Price is the admirable moral center of Mansfield Park or the most tiresome creepmouse in literary history.

You spend the other half of your day on Austen forums arguing over whether Colin Firth or Matthew MacFadyen is the hottest Mr. Darcy on film.

Your friends’ idea of wealth is a house in the Hollywood Hills. Yours is a first edition of Pride and Prejudice, or at the very least a leather-bound set. Let’s face it, we’d be thrilled to own a set of the Cambridge Editions.

You’re in a crowded, maddeningly loud club and someone asks you to dance. Your answer: “At an assembly such as this, it would be insupportable.”

You are prone to involuntary spouting of quotes from the novels and films, frequently mangled (see above).

Your friends’ idea of exercise is hiking or taking a yoga class. Yours is English country dancing. That is, if you could get another human being to take lessons with you. Your best friend thinks you’re joking, despite having seen the latest Pride and Prejudice movie twice. She, unlike you, has no problem separating fiction from reality. Your significant other informs you that he would rather locate your preferred brand of long, thin, medium-flow, unscented, no-wings maxi pads at the local supermarket (his idea of a no-win, failure-is-the-only-option errand) than engage in such a fundamentally uncool activity.

You have secret Austen-related nicknames for important people in your life. You even name your pets after characters in the novels. Your boss, for example, is Mrs. Norris. My cat’s middle name is Georgiana, in honor of Georgiana Darcy. My husband is “Captain Harville” whenever he pulls out the toolbox and builds a bookshelf or hangs a picture. (He has begun to refer to himself in this way, too, though he has never read Persuasion.)

You forever relegate the actors in Austen film adaptations to their respective roles. For example, I was unpleasantly reminded of the 1995 Persuasion when I saw Ciaran Hinds portraying a pedophile in one of the Prime Suspect series. Captain Wentworth would never do such a thing, I stormed, instantly ejecting the DVD from my player. Shame on you, Jane Tennyson!

(Taken from janeaustenaddict.com)

Toilet Paper Can Be...Pretty?

Real Simple has my heart.

And I know where to get big vases like that for cheap. ROSS!

Thumbs Up!

For being done with this semester. And getting a perfect score on my Greek and Roman Myth Final.

It was nice to get a perfect score, that hasn't happened in a long time.

I Just Keep Rollin

The sushi turned out better then expected with only a few hitches. First...rice took forever because I used brown! Second...burned myself with the steam. Third no salt to add to the rice, rice vinegar, and sugar to make it sticky. Fourth, Steven didn't own a cutting board. So he went out and got amazing bamboo ones! I'm pretty much in love with them. My avocado split beautifully so I had to take a picture of it. Steve's mom taught me how to peel them. I cut way too many veggies so I will be eating them for the next few days, but that's alright, I've been craving fresh veggies! They rolled alright, I was fairly pleased with that. I just wish there was a sharp knife anywhere in this apartment and that my knives weren't at the apartment I don't live at anymore. Overall, loved making sushi. I need to find a way to make brown rice faster, how to not burn myself with steam and I need my display plates which are also in the apartment I don't live in. I was reading on a website that sushi is 60% presentation, so I need to work on that.

Even with all the bumps in the road....my sushi still tastes amazing. Just like Sonja's home cooking, laughs.

And that's pretty fierce.

I Roll Deep.

I have been craving sushi lately, well really any type of ethnic food. I've mostly been craving Sony's food because she is fierce in the kitchen. She could throw down with the big guns like Paula, Alton, and Martha. And I would love to see her take a folding chair to Rachel Ray's face...but who wouldn't.

I woke up this morning and I was determined to make sushi.

I had seen a sushi kit at TJ MAXX for $7. Really cute, it came with some little bowls and a book and some chopsticks as well as the bamboo mat you use to roll sushi. Steven and I get there, look around...and it wasn't there anymore. So we go to Target, and I got a really dumb look from the sales associate who directed me to placemats....um.... no.

We finally had the brainwave to head over to World Oasis/Eats, a natural and international foods market on main street in Blacksburg. I had never been. Steven's roommate works there and it always sounded a little strange to me. It's a food market that also houses a bike shop. I question correlation between these two things, but to each their own. Very strange. If I ever need to buy Thai cuisine and get a new bike chain I know where to go. BUT they had my bamboo mat, seaweed, rice, rice vinegar and a lot of stuff I want to go back and get! A lot of tofu and really experimental foods as well as a lot of organic stuff and health products. They also had fabulous sushi plate sets in blue and green for $15, not bad for 2 plates, 2 sets of chopsticks, 2 bowls, and 2 of those little log looking things that I haven't quite figured out the use of. Oh! And blueberry flavored Pocky...more types of Pocky then I have ever seen. I'm excited to go exploring there again!

Kroger supplied the avocado, cucumber, carrots, sugar, and crab meat. That's for Steven, so it looks like some of the sushi will turn out to be California rolls. I used to love those before I went vegetarian.

Did I mention that I'm making sushi for the first time for the 4 people that live in this apartment... One person who has never had sushi... it should prove very interesting. And I'm sure that I'm going to be on speakerphone with Sony throughout most of the experience.

White Pizza and Roses, what more could a girl ask for?

May 2nd was our 8 month anniversary. Due to exams I completely forgot about it...oops... But for the record I would like to say that the event was marked in my planner for a few months. Unlike me during this time of year, Steven is fabulous and, like the elephants, he never forgets: ANYTHING. I came home from an exam, looked in the fridge, and there was a white pizza (my favorite) and some roses. Fabulous.

Even better then roses for no real apparent reason, I now had an excuse to get a vase that I've been drooling over at Michaels. We have a similar one at Pier 1, but it is $35, the one I got was $10. So I didn't feel that bad for splurging in a spectacular modern and chic vase, especially when it was payday.

Flowers really make Steven's bachelor room into a home, as much as I can make it without it being just ours. I really cannot wait until we can live together officially, especially when we can paint and do whatever we want to our home.