Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

This one is so easy because I've been dealing with it for years: my weight.  I have a lot to catch up on when it comes to learning healthy habits because I was never taught them. My father's side of the family is incredibly skinny and he thinks eating well and working out is a joke.  My mother's side of the family was rather larger with some health issues and she has always dealt with any weight gain by crash dieting and not eating.

So I was a really skinny kid who gained a lot of weight very quickly when I hit puberty.  I never played sports and I ate all the wrong things and picked up my mom's dieting habits.  So I have tried and failed at every fad diet you have ever heard of.

The first time I ever worked out or set foot in a gym was my senior year of high school.  I had no idea how to work anything, but I got a tour with one of the instructors and that helped.  When I started college I reached my heaviest of 225-230 freshman year.  I'm 5'8" so I can hold a little bit more weight then most but it was too much!  I couldn't do anything.  Walking up the stairs was tough and nothing ever fit me.  I love clothes so this was probably the most frustrating thing.

Since then I have devoted a lot of time to eating better and trying to work out more.  At my lowest I've lost 50 pounds from my highest.  I still have about 20 to go before I can be at a healthy weight, but I reach about 178 and I bounce back to 188.  I've done this twice, so I've trying to learn how to maintain a smaller weight.

It's so frustrating because I feel like I've lost a lot of time learning this stuff.  It's my goal to get a handle on this for me and Mr. S before we have kids.  I 1,000% don't want our kids to deal wtih this crap.  I worry about how my larger weight will effect my health down the line.  I want to be around as long as I can with my kiddies.  That's so important to me.  And maybe they'll inherit my dad's metabolism, but that won't stop the silent killers in my family like heart disease.

As a country we have to get rid of this problem.  I see so many overweight kids these days and that's terrifying.  Being overweight leads to so many health issues and we're killing our kids by giving them all that sugar-covered, deep-fried crap.  I hate, hate, hate it!  So I need to learn to be an example.

I'm trying to make it more of a priority.  I'm trying to pre-plan meals and pack things to take to work.  I'm also trying to learn between physical and emotional hunger.

The hardest part is going to be the holidays.  Sugar is my weakness and it's everywhere starting at Halloween and ending at Easter.

Oh help.